


Cryptids and Cannabis

by buffydyke



Category: Angel: the Series
Genre: ... or are there?, F/F, My Magnum Opus, also when am i gonna have a gf that will go cryptid hunting with me, here it is, there are no actual bigfoots in this fic, these are the REAL questions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 22:36:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11300262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buffydyke/pseuds/buffydyke
Summary: "You can'tstakebigfoot!"(Or: the camping fic no one asked for.)





	Cryptids and Cannabis

**Author's Note:**

> Can you believe I actually wrote this? Because I can.  
> (Also: Faith calling Fred 'Pooh Bear' is something I'll never get over. She started off calling her Winnie, but soon discovered that Pooh Bear made Fred smile more. THIS JUST IN FAITH LEHANE IS A GIANT SAP!!!11)
> 
> Anyway. Catch me on [Tumblr](http://buffydyke.tumblr.com) for more shenanigans. 
> 
> (Big thanks the theforestlesbian/buffyanon for proofreading! Go shower Alex with affection because she deserves it.)

Admittedly, camping was Fred’s idea.

It came up one night after they’d just gotten home from a mission. It’d been a particularly nasty demon: big and scaly with a name that Wesley had told Faith but she’d promptly forgotten. Demon names weren’t exactly important when it was trying to gouge your eyes out. Still, as ferocious as the thing was, it had finally been taken down with several choice weapons and maybe just a bit of luck.

In short, it had been an eventful night. Although slaying was one thing Faith never got tired of, that was meant to be metaphorical, not literal. Other than a sandwich (which she’d gotten and devoured -- roast beef and cheese and potato chips, among other ingredients), all she wanted at the moment was a nice, long dose of shut-eye.

Within five minutes of falling face first into the mattress, Faith’s girlfriend seemed to have a very different plan. 

“We should go camping.”

Fred said this through a yawn, moving to snuggle herself beneath the blankets. It didn’t matter how hot it was outside -- L.A. wasn’t Boston by any means --, Fred couldn’t seem to sleep without being under the blanket. Her solutions to this predicament often varied: she would either turn down the AC, hang a few limbs out from under the blanket, or simply sleep naked. Tonight, the latter was Fred’s preferred method. 

Any other night, this would bring Faith an unspeakable amount of happiness. If there was one thing in this world she loved, it was girls, especially the one she just so happened to be dating. This would lead to spooning, which led to wandering hands, which led to lots of stuff that Faith was very happy to think about.

Tonight, though, all Faith wanted to do was sleep. 

“Right now?” Faith asked. Her voice was muffled from the pillow. She’d heard once that sleeping like this could potentially smother someone, and Faith figured it should probably be alarming how that didn’t make her want to do it any less. “Hate to break it to ya, babe, but it’s four A.M.”

“Not right now!” Fred protested. Even now, Faith could _feel_ her eyes on her. Between that and the dog hopping into bed with them, it was hard to regain her focus on sleep. Fred was very lucky she loved her. “But soon. You need a break, missy. You’re gonna drop dead from exhaustion!”

While the last part was certainly true, Fred was being modest. _They_ needed a break. She’d been out there tonight, too. She’d pointed a crossbow right at the heart of a demon -- one of its hearts, anyway -- and shot an arrow right through it. There was something about seeing her girlfriend wield a weapon that weighed almost as much as she did that really had a way of turning Faith on. If every bone in her body didn’t ache, she might’ve acted on that impulse.

“I don’t think the boss will like me taking a day off, sweetcheeks,” Faith rolled over, her voice no longer muffled by the pillow. “Though I’ve earned one.” 

It was an exaggeration, of course. Angel could hold down L.A. for a few days while she was gone. The city had survived before she’d come here, and it would probably survive after she left. _If_ she left. At the moment, that was looking pretty damn questionable.

Even through the dark, Faith could make out Fred’s frown. Her hair was mussed -- more from the battle and the sweat that resulted from said battle than from anything else -- and she had the blanket bunched around her where she lay. The dog had settled himself between them, Fred’s hand moving to scratch behind his ears. The action made his tail thump wildly, like they’d been gone for years. “I’m asking.”

Faith made a face. “Are you saying you’re gonna ask Angel if we can go camping?”

“Yes!” 

Faith started to protest but quickly caught herself. When did she start not jumping at any opportunity to take off on an adventure? The Faith she knew would be thrilled by the idea of camping, even if it was brought up on a sleep deprived morning with a big, lumbering dog lying between her and the love of the life. Maybe this pseudo-domestic life was making her soft. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to shudder or laugh. 

Angel _did_ owe her. She’d saved his ass plenty of times over the course of her stay with Angel Investigations -- didn’t that add up to a little vacation time? She sure as hell wasn’t getting any benefits.

Maybe it wasn’t so far fetched an idea. 

“... Pooh Bear, I think you’re onto something.”

* * *

The drive to the San Gabriel Mountains took just over an hour. Fred picked out the location. It seemed like the place for an authentic camping experience -- mountains, forests, and wildlife. 

Along the way, they stopped at a rest area, got an obscene amount of junk food from the vending machines, and kissed because the mountains in the distance were beautiful. At the time, it seemed like a good enough reason to kiss. Fred and Faith didn’t really need much of an excuse to do that.

They were going camping. As a _couple_. As much as Faith liked to pretend she wasn’t a sap, the thought made her heart race. This beautiful girl was hers, and they were about to embark on an adventure together.

There was a little glimmer of hope in the back of Faith's mind that knew there were more to come. Of course, dangerous things happened every time she got her hopes up. They were quickly approaching their eight month anniversary -- longer than all of Faith's previous relationships combined. 

Maybe Faith would fuck this up. Maybe she'd sabotage this relationship like she did to every other one she'd ever had. Maybe she'd hurt Fred before Fred could hurt her.

But maybe not. Maybe this was going to last. Maybe they'd settle down one day and raise a family, stop saving the world. Be normal. A slayer, a physicist and their big, dumb dog. 

The idea was both terrifying and appealing. 

They arrived a short while later, pulling into a nearly deserted campground. As it turned out, the _implication_ of mountains couldn’t really compare to the _actuality_ of them. What thoughts and distant sightings couldn’t capture was how _breathtaking_ they were. The mountains were scenic and vast this time of year, teeming with life and adventure. The sight from the top of the peaks set off a stirring in Faith’s chest; a thundering in her heart that made her forget the rest of the world. 

As they put down the hatch of Faith’s truck, they dog hopped out. Running past them, he began barking wildly. Faith was promptly brought back to reality. 

“Tesla!” Fred called after him. The dog--a huge, bumbling black lab--paid her no attention. At the moment, he was more preoccupied with chasing every animal in sight and taking in all the new sights and scents. Poor guy. He’d never been out of the city. Faith didn’t think he’d ever seen grass in a place that wasn’t the dog park.

“He’s fine,” Faith assured her. “He’s explorin’. Look.” She motioned towards the dog. He had his nose buried in a particularly high patch of grass. He probably had something corned. 

At that, Fred seemed to relax. “You’re right,” she acknowledged, letting out a tiny breath of relief. “Let’s get unpacked.” 

They hadn’t brought much. They’d packed a tent, two backpacks, several bottles of water and packs of food (chips, marshmallows, and hot dogs, mostly -- she and Fred shared a common passion for authentic camping food) and of course, Joan, Faith’s trusty bong.

Pulling the tent from the back of Faith’s truck, they knew this would be a good night.

* * *

Once they got the tent set up (after a massive struggle, of course -- as much as Faith tried to pretend she was a handy girl, she didn’t know anything about tents), they decided to go on a hike. 

With Tesla bounding his way in front of them, Fred and Faith were braving the great outdoors. Following the steep, twisting paths, they took in the sights of the mountains and the occasional wildlife they could see. The trails of San Gabriel were fairly tame all things considered, but that didn’t stop Faith from feeling the impact on her legs.

She was a slayer. How was _Fred_ handling this? 

“Did you know,” Fred began as they trudged up a particularly steep incline, “that all black bears in San Gabriel are supposed to be the descendants of eleven bears from Yosemite?”

Faith hummed at that, keeping her eyes locked on her feet. Since they’d seen a snake cross the trail a while back, she hadn’t been particularly keen on looking anywhere else. 

“You don’t say,” Faith replied. “That’s impressive. There’s, what, thousands of bears out here?”

“Twenty three hundred.”

Faith looked at her in surprise, lifting an eyebrow.

“I did my research!”

Faith laughed at that. Fred couldn’t even go camping without finding out every detail.

“Twenty three hundred, huh?” Faith repeats, a grin on her lips. She swore she just kept falling for this girl more and more. “What else did you find out? Wild mountain men live up here?”

Fred looked as if she’d been waiting for Faith to ask this. 

“Actually,” Fred began. “There are over three hundred bigfoot sightings each year.”

Now _that_ caught Faith’s attention. She stopped dead in her tracks, a look crossing her face that was somewhere between surprise and excitement. 

“Wait,” she began. “You’re tellin’ me that we’re in the heart of bigfoot territory and you waited until now to tell me?”

Fred beamed at that. Always one for the surprises. “I was waiting for the right time!” She protested. “If I’d told you back at camp, you wouldn't have wanted to put the tent up. You would’ve rushed up here to look for tracks!”

Well, maybe Fred had a point.

“That’s offensive,” Faith said. Even in her attempt to act angry, she couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across her face. “You’ve been withholding valuable information, Pooh Bear.”

Fred laughed at that. In an instant she was setting her backpack on the ground, pulling out her polaroid camera. 

“Take a picture with me,” she says. “So we can remember this as the day we saw bigfoot.”

With a grin, Faith joined by Fred’s side as she snapped a picture. It was admittedly good, both of their hair wild from the hike. When they got back to civilization, they’d hang it somewhere. As much as Faith hated to admit it, she was a softie at heart. And the person that brought that out of her the most was her girlfriend. 

After Fred tucked the camera and the picture away and they continued up the trail, Faith swore she’d never been more in love.

And Angel thought _bears_ were the scariest thing Faith would encounter.

* * *

Joan had never let Faith down before. 

She’d had plenty of bongs over the years, but none had been quite like Joan. For starters, she was the first one Faith had ever bought in Los Angeles. She’d caught Faith’s eye in the smoke shop, her [blue glass trimmed with green swirls](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/1e/bc/0d/1ebc0d9b507d8b04b535c5a213589fe6.jpg). She’d practically been calling Faith’s name.

Second of all, Joan had brought Fred and Faith together. Not in a dating way, of course -- that would take a bit longer. They both had enough baggage for ten people, and it took a lot more than weed and one night to work all that out. But as for bonding… well, Fred and Faith could definitely bond over their love of illegal substances. Faith had considered kicking her weed habit after she broke out of prison, make a new life for herself as a law abiding citizen. But a little fun never hurt anyone. And when she and Fred sat around taking hits and laughing at the most ridiculous jokes, Faith had no idea how much this girl would end up meaning to her. 

So it really wasn’t a surprise that Faith and Fred were sat in their tent, taking turns taking hits from the bong. That familiar hazy feeling was engulfing Faith, captivating her in a foggy bliss. As Faith watched Fred bring it to her mouth, all she could think about was how ridiculously adorable Fred looked with her hair in a bun.  
That was until she heard a noise from outside the tent.

Faith paused, every thought running cleanly out of her mind. What was that? Her eyes darted to the door of the tent as if looking at it would make the noise stop. Tesla whimpered beside her. Some guard dog -- even he was startled. 

“Did you hear that?” Faith asked, giving Fred a look.

At the sound of her voice, Fred’s eyes glanced up from Joan. A look of confusion crossed her face. “What do you mean?” She asked. “Hear what?”

Maybe Faith was overreacting. Though she was generally a mellow stoner, she was prone to bouts of paranoia. There was a time in Boston when she’d gotten so high that she was convinced The Texas Chainsaw Massacre was a documentary. This could very well just be one of those times--

Another rustle, a snap of a twig. Closer this time.

“Fred,” Faith said, her voice filling with fear. Okay, she definitely wasn’t making things up. She’d heard something. “Babe, there’s something outside the tent.”  
A look of horror crossed Fred’s face. Apparently, they were both prone to paranoia tonight. It was hard to believe that an hour before, they’d been kissing by the campfire and not even thinking about what might be lurking in the moods. Maybe Angel’s fears had been well founded. 

“What is it?” Fred asked, keeping her voice low. Still, panic seeped into her, Fred’s eyes growing wide. “Oh my god, Faith! What if it’s a bear--”

Another twig. Right outside the tent. 

“No,” Faith said suddenly. Her tone was somewhere between fear and resolution. An idea had struck her, and it didn’t bring Faith as much joy as she thought it would. “Winnie, I think it’s bigfoot.” 

While Faith had no reasonable proof the creature making sounds outside their tent was bigfoot, there was nothing that said it wasn’t. And as far as Faith was concerned, when they were this deep in bigfoot territory anything was possible. 

Tesla was cowering by this point, curling near Fred. And, hell, Fred was nearly cowering herself. Looking at Faith with wide eyes, she seemed utterly terrified. “ _Bigfoot_?” She repeated. That seemed to terrify her even more than a bear. “What are we going to do?”

But Faith had a plan. In an instant she was digging through her backpack, pulling out a stake. A slayer never went anywhere without being prepared. Fingers moving to the tent’s zipper, she began to open the door.

“Faith!” Fred said harshly, trying desperately to keep her voice low. “What are you doing? You can’t _stake_ bigfoot!” 

Maybe it was the fact that Faith was too high to think straight, but the sound of Fred’s voice made her flinch. Still, Faith shrugged her off. She knew what she was doing. She was the dark slayer, wasn’t she? One of the chosen eleven hundred? She could handle a hairy ape man. 

“I’m not gonna stake him!” Faith said. Who did Fred even think she was? “It’s for intimidation.” If bigfoot was out there, surely he’d be scared of a woman with a sharp wooden object.

And at that Faith was unzipping the tent, the dark night greeting them. Faith poked her head slowly out of the tent, scanning the area. Thank god for slayer senses. If there was anything fishy (... bigfooty?) around, she’d be able to tell. Holding still for a moment, she listened closely.

Crickets, the yapping of what was likely a coyote from somewhere in the distance. But nothing that sounded like what had been outside their tent moments before. 

“Nothing’s out here,” Faith said, a bit of disappointment creeping into her voice. Maybe she actually hoped she’d see something. Dangerous or not, Faith wasn't exactly against the idea of proving bigfoot's existence. 

Retreating back into the tent, she zipped it up. Looking over at Fred, the fear still hadn't left her face. That was probably enough weed for one night. Cryptids didn’t mix well with cannabis. 

"Come on," Faith said, flicking off their lantern. "Let's go to bed."

At least the forest was the perfect place was cuddling.


End file.
